Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
