It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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