I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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