so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
