I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
