he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
