May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
