Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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