he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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