How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
