She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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