Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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