no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
