The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You took a bar mat shot.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
