i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
