3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
