the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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