i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
