I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize