I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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