You smell like stripper and shame
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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