did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
