Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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