Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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