hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
