I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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