i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
