i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
