Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
