Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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