Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
