I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
