Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We got so high we made milksteak
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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