That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
