Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
