How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
