so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
