Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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