the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the day after is always just damage control
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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