shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
