I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
