He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
