I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
