and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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