This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
