I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The ass gains better be worth it
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