I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
