Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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