He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
