Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
