I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
