Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
