i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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