I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
