i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize