yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
