I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
