I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
