you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize