first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
