I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
