Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize