How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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