Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
