So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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