Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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