just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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