I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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