i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
