she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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