I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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